The famous English wit, Oscar Wilde, once said: "It is easy to be kind to those whom one cares nothing about." At first glance, it seems like the exact opposite would be true. Yet, we often find ourselves being perfectly polite to strangers and arguing like cats and dogs with the people that we love most, a good example of which can be seen in the hot and cold relationship that we women have with our mother. We love our mothers dearly, and we know that they love us; so, why do we continually find ourselves at odds with them? Generally, our tempestuous relationship with our mother results from the fact that, despite our being adults, our relationship with our mother still plays out according to the hierarchical parent-child relationship that was established when we were children. To totally vanquish this construct is impossible. But there are some valuable pieces of relationship advice for women who want a better relationship with their mothers.
At the risk of sounding defeatist, one of the greatest pieces of daughter-mother relationship advice is to forgive your mother for the ways in which she failed you as a mother. In suggesting that you should forgive your mother for her shortcomings, we're not saying that you're obligated to forgive such things as gross abuse or neglect. Rather, we're suggesting that you lay aside your animosity for her failures that resulted from un-willful human error. Even the most caring mothers make mistakes, and they typically find it very hard to forgive themselves for them. By telling your mother that you don't hold animosity for the things that both of you know should have been done differently, you'll restore positive emotions to the relationship, which will result in less feuding and more quality conversation.
At the risk of sounding defeatist, one of the greatest pieces of daughter-mother relationship advice is to forgive your mother for the ways in which she failed you as a mother. In suggesting that you should forgive your mother for her shortcomings, we're not saying that you're obligated to forgive such things as gross abuse or neglect. Rather, we're suggesting that you lay aside your animosity for her failures that resulted from un-willful human error. Even the most caring mothers make mistakes, and they typically find it very hard to forgive themselves for them. By telling your mother that you don't hold animosity for the things that both of you know should have been done differently, you'll restore positive emotions to the relationship, which will result in less feuding and more quality conversation.
Forgiving your mother for her shortcomings is the most important piece of relationship advice for women who want a better relationship with their mother. But even as you forgive her shortcomings, you shouldn't expect the relationship to be dissolved of its archetypal parent-child frame of reference. In other words, she's still going to voice her disapproval for some of your life choices. As an adult, you're probably going to be annoyed by this, especially since her proclamations are likely to be delivered with an autocratic air. But remember, her attempts to call you on the carpet are her way of trying to ensure that your life is filed with success and happiness. Instead of telling her to buzz off or rolling your eyes as she talks, try to impartially acknowledge what's she's saying and thank her for her input. As with any kind of relationship, a little respect can go a long way.
A third essential piece of relationship advice for women who want a renewed relationship with their mother is to contact your mother as often as possible. As with any relationship, maintaining sporadic contact with your mother will decrease familiarity and, therefore, intimacy. You're mother spent some of her best years focusing on you instead of herself, which means that she'll want to stay apprised of what's happening in your life once you leave the nest. A mother's love is often said to be unwavering, but that doesn't mean that she won't feel rebuffed by your lack of contact. Talking to your mother often is essential to making her feel valued and appreciated, and if you can forgive her for her shortcomings and view her advice with impartiality, you'll end up having a great adult relationship with her.
There's plenty of relationship advice for women that focuses on bettering romantic relationships, but what about that person in your life who's just as significant as your significant other: your mother? Just as with romantic relationships, there's some valuable relationship advice for bettering your relationship with your mother.
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